i've posted this before and i'm posting it again. just because it's my favorite snapshot. also the final images from my beloved lc-a.

if they all turn out like this, i might just have a future outside of architecture after all. haha.

it's funny, yesterday i met a friend who quit architecture because his urge to make movies overwhelmed his waning passion for architecture. with dedication and some luck, he made it into leoburnett. as for me, i'm not sure where my future is, but i'm winging it. it comes when it comes.

and today is the last day for two of my colleagues, one of whom barely made it past her first week before calling it quits. hmm.

fiksyen

di kala kegelapan
pukul empat pagi
ku terdiam seketika

di sekelilingku
tiada siapa;
lampu jalan menemani

ku duduk
di belokan di hadapan rumahku
memikirkan kisah lama.

it came about
from the hollows of the heart
gushing out, spilling over

tagged

1. A person is only as good as ... ?
2. Friendship is always .
3. To love is free
4. Money makes me worry less
5. I miss having free time
7. I try to spread love and happiness by seeing the bright side of things
8. Pick the flowers when they're there
9. To love someone is to lose all senses
10. Beauty is temporary
13. I am most happy when i have slept well
14. Nothing makes me happier .
15. If I can change one thing, I will change my job.
16. If smiles were dimes then I am not much richer
17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all get along?
18. If you want to succeed then you have to be persistent
19. Money is not everything but I love it anyway
20. The most touching moments I have experienced is when i see them cry
21. I smile when I am sad. sometimes
22. When I am happy, I am calm
24. The best thing I did yesterday was watching mr bean's holiday
25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title, the clouds over my head are painted red
26. One thing I must do before I die is to love
27. Doing this meme, I feel like the living dead. what's a meme anyway?



the thing is, i don't believe i've ever been happier with the way things are right now. work can be a bitch at times. occasionally i feel incompetent, that i don't have what it takes. so it's not close to perfect. there are still things to pursue and experience, people to meet, a life to live.

i feel somewhat blessed.

muallaf

love is a dominant theme in yasmin ahmad's movies. even when it isn't shown as explicitly anymore post-sepet, one easily gets a sense that every one of her films is about love. a different facet of it each time.

the past binds so strongly and at times, they haunt us.

muallaf isn't at all about religion. not for me at least. it's a spiritual journey, sure enough. but ain't life is anyway? siblings rohani and rohana (curiously) quote random numbers and passages from various holy books. wisdom, be it from the koran the bible or tao te ching, knows no origin. reactions ensue, some bad and some good. ana and ani are indeed young (though more mature than 80% of the people i know), which makes one wonder at times whether they truly understand the things they say. but that doesn't matter. these girls affect people.

"everyone is searching for god .. in their own way"

happiness. is it a thing one seeks on his own? or does it come through one's relationships with others? bryan is cynical. emotionally guarded. not the most joyful person. someone i can identify with. he struggles with the shame of his past, and his lack of trust in others. and then he fell in love. and he began to give more of himself. and treats people with genuine kindness. and by doing so he found his way towards reconciliation. with god. his family. and himself, ultimately.

"people are afraid of things that they don't understand"

it's a complex movie, but in a way still rather simple. perhaps because all this while (ever since the rehearsals) i have a preconceived notion that the film was above all about people. yes at times it appears a complex son of a gun, but then it's not entirely impossible to fathom. movie viewers dwell so much into the details of the plot sometimes that they often forget the most important thing of it all: emotions. between muallaf's dialogue heavy scenes and dense imagery, it is in its barest essence a story about relationships, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

"the artist is the medium between his fantasies and the rest of the world"

i am not a movie critic, but am merely one passionate on life and art. this isn't a movie review, only some random musings on how i feel about it. the art offers a peak through it's mediator's soul. the film projects such kindness that one could only assume that the people behind it possess truly good hearts. and good intentions.

cheers to good intentions.




thanks again yasmin for the screening!

green hawk

been randomly saving images that i like, surprisingly none of them buildings. as much as i love architecture, it just seems so full of (intellectual) shit these days.

first things first. i don't shop a lot, i am not the most excitable shopper when it comes to buying clothes. but once in a while i do find some of them very interesting. it's more about composition and craftsmanship than trend. heck, if i were trendy i'd find it a lot easier to shop around. most of these i have never seen the likes of, and they're probably beyond what i can afford anyway. but hey, it's in the way you wear it, not what you wear. occasionally you do find good stuff around KL.

by the way, i got a funky hawk. and dyed it. yes, i have green hair.

five working days

like anyone else i work five days this week:

monday 9 a.m. - monday 9 p.m.

tuesday 9.30 am - wednesday 3 p.m.

wednesday 11.00 p.m. - friday 3 p.m

saturday 3.00 p.m - sunday 3.30 a.m

sunday 10.00 a.m - ?


i'm not kidding. ninety hours already. and that doesn't include tomorrow. that will add up to one-hundred-and-twenty-hours hours of work in one week.

why the fuck am i doing this to myself? i don't know.
perhaps i worry that i am not as resilient as others.

wish me luck okay. trying my best to remain an optimist after this is all done.





opportunities.

"why study for so many years to learn how to do a high rise, when you can do it now?"

there are two ways to see this: an unnecessary effort, or an opportunity.

at one point you have to starting owing/owning it up. take responsibility, not only for yourself but for the team. even when it seems so ridiculous and unjust (why is that i, a trainee - of all people - must tell others how to do their jobs properly ?). i ended up doing so much more than what i was assigned to. the hundred hour week this week didn't bother me as much as that i had to do 2 to 3 times the amount of work most people were doing. yeah, like finishing other people's part of the deal. or else it just couldn't be done on time. so i could just leave em on their own, but the work wouldn't be on par then. fine: i understand that we are a team and everyone has varying abilities. but i don't think some of them even understood the amount of pressure we (lyn and i) were under to deliver this project well.

at the end of it all, i'm a normal human being, like everyone else. on top of that, i have other projects to worry about.

so why do i do it? because i see it as an opportunity? perhaps. there is a reason, i'm sure of it, but i can't actually pinpoint what it is just yet. but he assumed to much though when he said those words. architecture doesn't appeal to me so much anymore. not at this rate.

i am so tired. just kill me already and be done with it.

the music

it filled a gaping hole in my heart
but i knew all this while
it wasn't what i wanted

and still i let it happen

took to a moment of silence
absorbed the intensity of it all
feelings sort out in check

at the break of dawn, i am still myself
gaping hole and all

emo la blog ni

traceless

hi i'm faiz .
i have no past;
no family;
never played near a muddy river;
or biked around the city when i was 9;
i didn't go to that school;
or that university;
never lived in that neighbourhood;
no i never got a scholarship.


wish i could cleanse myself of my past sometimes. sometimes, they can't see beyond where you're from and where you've been. society has its way in bringing out our worst behavior.


wish i was a simpler guy. u know, no frills. no ideas.