there's something i forgot to tell you

...


uhm, nevermind.



anyway eid mubarak.

taking a break from blogging

i probably won't be home for a long time, so i won't waste my time online. anyway streamyx is a little slow now.

though i've seen two more films. hehe.




GUBRA

it's a nice movie, although i felt the acting was a bit loose a lot of the times. i need to see it another time before i can write about it. but it's definitely worth watching.





MARIE ANTOINETTE

marie antionette is crucified by the critics. from the funky trailer i sorta knew it was going to be a lavish film, but i did not expect the film to blew me away like it did. some say it's a little hollow, to which i disagree. my favorite 2006 film so far.

casa : reason number three

i am back in malaysia.

volver (the return)

‘Volver’ is not a surreal comedy, though it might seem so at times. The living and the dead live together without problems, but provoking hilarious situations and others full of deep and genuine emotion. It is a movie about the culture of death in my native region, La Mancha. My folks there live it in astonishing simplicity. The way in which the dead are still present in their lifes, the richness and humanity of their rites makes it possible for the dead to never really die.

quoted from the synopsis



volver is a heartfelt film filled with vitality and life.

nomadic durian

i grew up in many places : bandar tun razak, gombak, selayang, detroit, kangar, taman tun dr ismail, seremban, melbourne. met all kinds of people. if there's anything i have learned, it is that everyone has their own prejudices.


four years ago, i wrote an essay for my Year 12 project. It was on freedom of expression in malaysia and the united states. i came to the conclusion that perhaps malaysians were not ready enough. i was proud of myself, for tackling such a thorny issue without sounding like some anal reformist. reflecting back, perhaps i was a little naive. not that i have any more regard for the reformists.


living abroad in melbourne for the past three years have surely changed me. here i am exposed to the world for what it is. i have access to whatever sort of information that i desire, and i am free to pursue my own identity. i drowned myself in various movies and books and art from various countries and various languages.


one could say/accuse that my mind is 'colonized' (whatever that means), that i have fallen prey to ecstasy of the 'western' agenda (whatever that means), and that i am a person no longer tied by his 'roots' (whatever that means). fuck it. it is precisely this us or them mentality that is hindering our capacity to move on, as we drown further into our own egotistical fantasy.


last week, i came across amir muhammad's film the big durian in the university library. i've heard of his films, but ironically never came across any of them in the local stores. and so i borrowed the film, and watched it. needless to say, i enjoyed the film very much. it is funny as hell, and as relevant as ever. the film gives me faith in the malaysian people.


this morning it dawned upon me that these privileges that i currently take for granted for might be short-lived. one day, i will return to malaysia permanently, and finally realize that i can no longer read or watch everything that i wanted, on the grounds that they are (gasp!) 'subversive'.


i do not understand why we are denied of this.

h2o : reason number two

i am employed.

ain't that great?

could it really be, that faiz will finally work?





track by thievery corporation. fuckin brilliant. i'm itching to buy their LPs, but i'm broke. as quoted by sukhjit, "you're living on the edge!".


three days left towards security.

graduan : reason number one

as of now i am officially a graduate!

three reasons to be happy about

things are finally appearing to fall into place
overwhelmed

fuck.

how could it be that i am one lucky bastard?

not believing until they actually happen

this is not an advertisement for wondermilk

enter gg, my sis. and mr alien sans body.


and in red, lomographer ms aishah.


and some cool shadows.

one

it is the eccentric love that i desire

one that does not pretend

one that does not lie

guided by passion

weighed down by emotions

hidden layers

the no adjective ramble

granted, we were never that close. but i do wonder if i would ever see them again? i tend to assume that i would, the following year. you know how one year can fly right by. and then you wonder how things have changed, or how things have not. perhaps everyone will talk about that one year, and what they gathered. and i might just be me, not wanting to go past this state of mind.

surprisingly anxiety-free today. though still not getting any sleep at night.

reversible

what a way to end three years of studies. and i thought i had done shit on what was an incredibly difficult paper. i can never understand how the marking system works.


oh, the irony of it all.


i sure am not one of those hopeful people that are incessantly, er, hopeful. and thus i don't really like to say that things happen for a reason. however i find it extremely strange that for every unfair moment when things do not go as well as you had expected, there are also moments when you are perhaps unfairly rewarded.


such is the beauty of life.

an open letter.

dear friend (if i may),

it disturbs me slightly that some of my actions may be subject to some kind of skewed (mis)interpretation. you see, i don't want to be seen as someone who aspires towards a cultural stereotype. never have i ever cared about being 'cool', or to be socially accepted. because really, i am not. and i don't believe you are aware of this. as for the small circle of people that surrounds the fringe of my existence, in none do i feel a bond that goes beyond a platonic friendship. the final traces of naivety is my fundamental flaw that prevents any form of attachment. although i know well enough that it may just be impossible to find oneself in another. sadly it is in my fucked up character to drift away from anyone who has even cared to try.

this may be too little too late, but i am truly sorry. there's little i can do about this. and i am sorry too if i would not be able to make it up to you.



sincerely yours,

faiz

manderlay

and so we see the return of Grace, whose tragic experience in Dogville has made her a woman. Still, her child-like inhibitions and naive idealism remains, as if Dogville had never left its mark.

of course, her eyes tell otherwise. the scar of the ultimate betrayal would have never dissipated that easily.

arriving at Manderlay, she discovers a gated cotton making village. imprisoned in the village, or so so she thought they were, is a group of african american slaves. the gates isolate them from the outside. a world where slavery had long been abolished: the land of the free. and so, in a savioral gesture for liberation, Grace opened up the gates of Manderlay.

Manderlay was to be a democracy. whether they wanted it or not.

prelude to la casa

at last i finished my portfolio. hopefully it will get me a good job. but i don't really care. i like and take photographs but i don't want to be a photographer. i like and read theory but i don't want to teach anyone. i like and do design but then i am still not sure whether i really want to be one.

i like to say that "i wanna be an artist", in all vagueness of what it actually means to be an artist. surely not the painting one, nor the singing and dancing one. but really, i just want to go home and soak up in the hazy atmosphere.

i feel that i may be too afraid to take this next step. what use are dreams when the future looks uncertain?