Deus Ex Machina

about ten minutes ago i wrote this little note to a friend: "distance might actually benefit a relationship". the note refers to her matters, but i, clueless as ever, realized only ten minutes later that it would eventually pertain to me as well. for a while i was blaming myself, thinking god was punishing me. no one else to blame, but me, as i fell into the deepest pit, a trap i've laid myself in my own game.

i fell hard.

"maybe i'm not the person you're looking for. that is why your fortune cookie has no words, because your heart has no love. it means i am not in your heart".

it was the beginning of an excruciatingly confrontational relationship. and borne from this dynamic is the post titled irreversible - the climatic end of story - the cliffhanger ending. but it did not end at that. that little piece, it turned my life around. and then i received this:

"mengapa kau tidak menyambut cinta ku
sedangkan kau tahu kau juga mencintai diri ku

mengapa kau terus membisu
sedangkan kau tahu ku mencintai mu

mengapa kau nangis kerana cinta
sedangkan kau tahu ku juga mencintai diri mu

mengapa tidak kita bersatu
agar cinta kita menjadi satu

biarlah kau jauh beribu batu
tapi hati dan cinta mu tetap padaku
walaupun seribu tahun harus ku menunggu

renunglah daku
percayalah padaku
sebelum ku tutup pintu hatiku"

Deus Ex Machina.

things have changed. i learned to trust my own instincts. and that confrontational relationship? it rekindled, and became a trusting one instead. on the morning of the 14th, i cried again, but this time thanking god for this second chance. so here i am, writing again, despite still a little overwhelmed by the happenings of past weeks.

i love you.