heck

would i be in denial if i say that architecture is not my passion ? unlike many whom i've studied with , i don't believe i possess the hunger for success in this field ; my interest is 'art' and all the vagueness that the term contains ; and my works are personally motivated and emotionally loaded , rather than tailor-made for the highest possible marks .


so i have not been taking care of myself these days, with stuff and work and all . skin is a wreck . hair is out of control . i come home exhausted . it feels like a lot of work . no .. it is a lot of work . to be honest , i'm not so certain anymore if this kind of 'architecture' is my thing . sure it's nice that the place i work with is a lot more progressive than most local firms , and that they do collaborations with cool international architects (kengo kuma anyone?) , and i also do get to do a lot of things . as a full time job , it's taxing . the people are overworked and (in my opinion) underpaid .


i am currently only an intern , and luckily i do get paid unexpectedly well for it (considering i'm only halfway through my studies) . the experience is invaluable . as far as the training and long hours go , i have no qualms . and i get to walk around klcc every day . i am more concerned with what'll happen after i graduate as an architect . will i still be working 60 hour weeks ? if so, for what ? money ?


a little sacrifice does not hurt . true enough . a lifetime of sacrificing yourself is just stupid . sigh . the things people go through to get some money ...


whatever one does , it should be for 'something' , be the agenda personal or professional . perhaps i am taking an unrealistic stance when i say that one should not sleepwalk through life ?


heck . there's always advertising, photography and film-making . advertising should be more fun , putting together an ad campaign would sure as hell be easier than putting together a building .


heck . if i can survive architecture , i can survive anything . any thing.